Mar 16, 2019 · 10 min read –
“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.” — Steven Spielberg
The year: 1985. He was a recent College graduate starting his first “real” job as a staff accountant. Four years of college to earn a business degree, working all through school, and now he was starting his career. Because his company was moving its headquarters, he had recently relocated from the mid-west with a work associate. The high rent in Southern California didn’t translate to the measly raise his company gave him to relocate (a whopping $700/year). Without his roommate, he couldn’t have afforded to move to start his life. So they found a 2 bedroom condo and started their new life together.
The condo buildings were clustered together and his building in particular had some strange tenants and occupants. Right across the hall was an old lady that quite possibly left Egypt with Moses et al, who smoked cigarettes all day long. What appeared to be her punk-rock grand kids lived there too, and were in and out at all hours of the day and night. With no elevator, the traipsing up and down the stairs was not pleasant. There were a few other odd occupants who dressed and behaved differently in the building. There was, however, an older gentleman, Bob, that lived up one level that seemed normal. He was divorced and living with his girlfriend. One would place him at about 50 years old or so. He was neighborly when one walked past him in the stairwell or parking lot, and would exchange pleasantries to the newly graduated college kid.
The young man had a 1975 MG-B convertible car that was perfect for the So Cal weather. So one Saturday, he decided to wash the car as he’d met a cute blonde local girl and was hoping to go out on a date that weekend. As he was rinsing off the MG, Bob and his girlfriend strolled out to run an errand. They got in her Datsun 240 Z and pulled out of the parking area. Bob rolled down his window as he was passing by and yelled “Hey! Why don’t you wash my car too?” He grinned and drove off.
So after drying off the MG, the young man got a longer hose and dragged it to Bob’s car. He washed and dried the car, and then went back to his condo.
Mid-afternoon the doorbell rang, and voila, on the stoop was a bottle of 1983 vintage wine with a red bow and a note from Bob, thanking the young man for washing his car. This was how the young man and Bob first met.
Bob invited the young man to his place and they would talk about life, careers and so on. Bob was a real estate broker and bought and sold commercial and retail properties for clients. He had earned the CCIM® (Certified Commercial Investment Member) designation and was at the top of his game. All this was fascinating stuff to the young man as he listened intently to Bob during these discussions about how the business worked and heard about the money he was making and the wheeling-dealing of the business.
The friendship grew, but a year later, the blonde from the date in the MG convertible agreed to marry the young accountant. So he moved with his new wife to another place.
Bob and the young man stayed in touch though. After a few years of being in the accounting side of business, he decided to get into operations and real estate management. So the journey began of getting his real estate license and growing in his career. He called Bob when he got his real estate salesperson’s license. “Hey Bob — guess what — I’m on my way to being like you!”
Then the young man earned his CPM®(Certified Property Manager) designation. He shared the news excitedly to his friend and mentor. 5 years later he secured his CCIM® designation. “Hey Bob — I’m a CCIM® just like you! Remember when we were talking about this back at the old condo at your dining room table in 1985?” Bob was happy and proud and encouraged him for his progress in the business and career. Bob was a big believer that education in the commercial real estate was lacking. Many realtors, brokers and salespersons were good at selling, but often they didn’t understand the property, the investment returns or the financial underwriting. To that end, Bob wrote a book on Real Estate and Finance. He also taught real estate and finance at a local university. At one point, Bob asked his protégé if he would take over teaching responsibilities, but due to his heavy work schedule and young children, he passed on the opportunity. Bob talked the education game for those in his industry and wanted to be part of the solution. He lived it by his actions. And the young man had seen the wisdom of this and had heeded it. He then studied for and passed the real estate broker exam and became a licensed broker. “Hey Bob! I’m a broker and a CCIM® just like you”. The mentor had led by example and it had yielded a positive effect on his young friend.
Over the next few years, they often called each other to talk about challenging dilemmas in the business. They consulted each other on situations. They shared spreadsheets and formulas for financial returns and underwriting. They shared market intel for various clients and used each other as a resource. They would squeeze in lunch when they could. It was all good.
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” — The Bible
The call came on a Friday, mid afternoon. It was Bob. “Say, I need to talk to you right away. Can I come to your office in a bit?”
Bob sat in the office conference room an hour later where his now 40-something friend worked. Bob began to share what was on his mind: “I’m facing my mortality. I’ve had a serious health issue and I realize that I may not be around much longer. So I went through my rolodex to find the right person to handle something for me and your name came up. You see, I have a client, an unsophisticated single woman that inherited some land. After quite some work, I was able to help her convert this property into some income producing commercial property and now she’s living an upper-middle class lifestyle and I want to keep her in this lifestyle. If something happens to me, I fear that she will not get good counsel or advice and lose the property or not manage the investment well. This should take care of her for the rest of her life if handled properly.”
Then the bomb hit. “And I want you to take this over for me”.
The man contemplated for a few seconds all that had been said. First the health concern of his older friend Bob. Then the responsibility and trust that was being presented. After a long moment, he responded: “Bob, you’re full of it!”
“Excuse me?” said Bob.
“Yeah, you really are” said the young man. “You’ve been doing business in this area for over 35 years. You’ve had many partners, relationships with numerous folks, and done business with some very high level and qualified people. So you’re telling me you went through your rolodex that’s a mile long and my name is at the top? I don’t buy it”.
Bob thought for a bit and said: “All true. But I’ve watched you since I met you over 20 years ago. We’ve stayed in contact and I’ve followed your career and see how you raise your family and how you do business. You’ve got something that many of my business associates and relationships don’t have. And that’s trust and integrity. That’s why I want you to fill my shoes in the event something happens to me.”
So the young man agreed. Fortunately, Bob’s health returned, and over the next few years, he worked with Bob and this client, helping and providing input to some situations with her property. Together they did battle with the landlord over some issues, worked through property challenges and collaborated to ensure she got the best service possible. She finally sold her property, and against their counsel, didn’t reinvest the money in another piece of income producing real estate, so Bob lost her as a client.
Bob wrote another book on commercial real estate and investment. The young man read it and offered input and some edits for the next edition. It was new and fascinating information about the industry. He was honored to be a part of this project with his mentor and friend. He was very hesitant to offer his critiques of typos, re-wording and recommended changes, but Bob took it all in stride. Bob was in his mid-70’s now and wanted to start a real estate blog. The young man encouraged him to do so. This was just like Bob — always pressing forward to grow the education side of the real estate business.
In 2011, the now middle-aged man was going through some tough times at work and was questioning where he was in life with career and family. He was at a point where more than half his life was behind him and he was reflecting on his past, and possible future. So he scheduled some time with Bob to share these concerns over lunch. A few days later, a letter showed up in the mail:
Let me first thank you for an enjoyable lunch today. I have always enjoyed our all too-infrequent meetings, but when we do, it is always a pleasure.
Since noon, I have been thinking about our conversation quite a bit. I perceive that you are facing a time of decision in your life, possibly an important inflection point. And I can relate to that.
I was, many years ago, 49, and I do recall what concerned me then. As I look back, I realize now that my concerns were born of stuff that I had been told and taught since I was a young man. My favorite aunt repeatedly told me that unless I had $1,000 in the bank by the time I was 21, I would probably be unsuccessful. (Can you imagine!!??) When I was 49, I began to be concerned that I would get older and not have much to show for a life of toil and tribute. You called it a “mid-life crisis”. But I think every thinking individual passes through this stage of life.
I do believe that the more intelligent one is, the more difficult it is to make critical personal decisions. I think this is so because intelligence enables one (like you) to see all the shades of all the variables at once. The world is not black and white but more likely grayscale, and I think you see all the shades. It can be confusing at times.
You may wonder why I hold you in high regard. It is because I early recognized you as a person of integrity, purpose, industry, caritas, and competency. These are the qualities you possess and the qualities that have enabled you to become very successful so far. They are the qualities you possess and will not lose.
I would hope that you would choose one of these competing decision variables and make it a fixed point. When you do that, all the dependent variables will take on proportional importance and you will arrive at a decision for yourself. If it turns out to be the wrong decision, it won’t be your first, and you can reevaluate and make a better choice. In the final say, it is you who will be successful, have no doubt about it.
I have only a few more years to live, but I will always regard you as a life-long friend and one whom I am happy to help as long as I can.
Believe in you. You are an exceptional young man with a bright future.
God be with you.
Bob
Wow. The young man was clearly moved at this heart-felt letter from Bob. The counsel and advice was relevant to where he was in his life and struggles. The young man got through that point in his life, partly due to Bob’s support and counsel. And as the years went by, he would reach out to Bob and they went to lunch whenever it worked out. Long lunches. Cherished lunches. Bob would offer input for the challenges of raising teenagers. Or how to improve relationships with college-age kids, or dealing with kids wanting to get married, and what that was like, as Bob had been through those stages of life. Bob had been a great friend and mentor for all these years to his younger friend. Offering advice, listening, encouraging, and supporting the now 50-something man.
One of the greatest values of mentors is the ability to see ahead what others cannot see and to help them navigate a course to their destination.” — John C. Maxwell
Bob’s faced some health issues the past few years so the lunches are less frequent. He’s struggled with his health which is par for the course of being in his 80’s. Yet, the younger man still reaches out and tries to connect whenever it works out.
And if you’re wondering about that 1983 vintage bottle of wine Bob gave for having his car washed? The younger man still has it — unopened. It’s a cherished possession of their friendship. No doubt the wine inside is not fit to drink, but he doesn’t care. It’s priceless. That bottle is a remembrance of how they’d met and a symbol of a long relationship.
The younger man believes that Bob has given so much more than he’s given in return to Bob. This has been such a unique friendship and relationship that is so rare in this day and age, and has meant so much to him over his entire adult life. Bob had been an incredible friend and mentor for all these years indeed.
“Thank you for everything Bob. I’m so glad I washed your car.”
Congo Kid – Article # 5 – March, 2019
Copyright © 2019 by Jeffrey W. Eales. All rights reserved. No portions may be reproduced or transmitted in any format without the prior written permission of the author.
Moving. Well-written and thought provoking…