Blog # 15 – Turning 60….

Apr 30, 2023 ·13 min read

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln

I turned 60 last summer. It’s a milestone birthday for a lot of reasons. They say that ending a decade and starting a new one is a big deal. Normally one has a big birthday party with family and friends. On one hand, I wish it had been a spectacular event, filled with fun, cake, presents, cards, balloons, well-wishes and fanfare. Instead it was a quiet, contemplative, and somewhat depressing day.

There is time to prepare for the odometer of life to turn from a number with a “5” in front of it to a “6”. It’s not as big as the “5–0” party, turning half a century, but it’s still a time to reflect that one is three quarters through life, assuming making it to 80 years of age before kicking the bucket or getting hit by a pie truck.

The day itself was rather uneventful and didn’t rate too high on the fun meter. It was anticlimactic, which is sort of my style. I’ve never liked birthdays, as having people fawn over me, make me the center of attention with presents, cake, cards, and all that, always made me a bit uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because I have been accused of not being a gracious receiver. So on that front, I was glad nobody made much of a fuss.

The week before my birthday was incredibly full and busy. We loaded a moving truck with a car in tow, and I drove it two long days hauling my daughter and her family’s earthly possessions from Pennsylvania to Missouri and helped them unpack and get settled in their new home. Then after working remotely for my company for a few days, we all jumped in their van and drove a day and a half to Michigan’s Lake Superior to the family lake house. It was nice to sit in the back of the van for the drive to Michigan without the stress of driving a huge moving truck. I listened to music, napped, played with the grand-kids, caught up on some podcasts and texted numerous folks. The drive, move, unloading, and working on the laptop was behind me, and hanging out, sleeping in and enjoying the family and grand kids was ahead of me. Vacation was going to finally start. We arrived Friday evening just as the sun was setting over the lake. It’s a beautiful property with its own beach just a few feet in front of the house. I was looking forward to some rest, good books, and to relax and be in the presence of my family and especially my two granddaughters. The weather cooperated and was pleasant after our arrival. All was well with the world.

Then, two days later, I turned 60 years old. Being a Sunday, we all went to the First Baptist Church in town. It is a small church, with maybe 50–60 in attendance. Most are locals and some are summer visitors or vacationing folks. The church has big pillars on the front steps and inside is older wood, wainscoting and pews. It is probably 80+ years old and looked it. A piano and organ were there, as well as stained glass windows. It didn’t have air conditioning. Our extended family took up one whole pew. We stood out for sure. I was sharing that pew with my brother in law and his wife, two granddaughters, my wife, my daughter and her husband, and my in-laws; ten people. Ages ranged from 15 months to almost 83 years, spanning four generations.

My mind started to wander during the singing, as I contemplated my life. Here I was, turning the last corner of life, staring down the barrel of the last quarter of the game of life and contrasted that with the beginning of life being the 15 month old girl squirming in my lap. I passed the toddler to her grandmother, as she’d had enough of Gramps apparently. Her whole life was ahead of her and she had no clue about the future and where it would take her or the environment she’d grow up in. What would her opportunities bring for growing up, being an adult, chasing her dreams, and living her life? What experiences would she have? Of course I wanted nothing but the best for her. The same for my daughter and her family, as her husband was finally close to starting his career as a medical doctor after 10 tough years of medical school and residency. But what about me? How would I grade my life and its successes and failures? What was my purpose in life? I did have regrets for opportunities I’d not taken and felt triumph for the victories I’d experienced. One is usually more honest about oneself the older you get about the roadmap laid out and followed during one’s life. We tend to accept reality of our journey through life and grade it more fairly than when we are in our 20’s or 30’s. I started to feel a bit gloomy as I panned my life as a child, then on to college, to marriage, raising a family, and a career with several ups and downs and twists and turns. I’d been on a treadmill typical of middle-class Americans; work hard, try to climb the corporate ladder and save for retirement. Get up 5 or 6 days a week, go to the office, put in your 9 hours or more, come home, eat dinner, do a few things around the house, and go to bed. Earn a few weeks a year off for vacation and some long weekends due to a holiday. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. What a hamster-wheel it’s been since I got out of high-school. The timekeeper was just now hitting the timeclock to start the final quarter. I wasn’t liking this turning 60 thing and it was only the first day of this new decade.

The singing stopped and the Pastor got up and headed for the podium. “I wonder what the topic will be today” I mused. It was time to snap out of this line of thinking as it was depressing. He shared a few announcements then went into his sermon. It was on Ecclesiastes. Groan. Was this planned to rub in the meaninglessness of life that I’d already contemplated during the singing portion of the service? Maybe God has a message to help me with clarity of turning 60 and looking at my point on this journey of life that was memorialized on the calendar today. Most scholars believe King Solomon wrote this book. After being given the most wisdom of anybody on earth by God, and also being blessed with riches and fame beyond anybody else ever, he had reached the end of his life and was reflecting back on it. Unlike Solomon, I am not very smart, nor rich by any stretch of the imagination. But I’m reasonably intelligent and have worked hard and am financially comfortable with a good job and position, so probably am categorized as “successful” by society at large. I am well read, a critical thinker, and carry a healthy dose of cynicism about what is going on in our world and society. I am my own man, and rooted in my beliefs, so don’t consider myself a lemming that follows the crowd. Plus, I’ve experienced living in multiple cultures, having grown up in central Africa, lived in Belgium, speak 3 languages, and traveled extensively throughout the world. Yet in spite of this exciting and adventurous life that very few have experienced, I still feel like life has passed me by and I wondered if it really meant anything and if there is a purpose.

But here I was looking at my in-laws nearing the end of their journey sitting just a few spots down the pew, and a new generation with her entire life ahead of her, sitting contently in my wife’s arms right next to me. But what Solomon and I both shared was being at a point of reflection on the past. That is exactly where I was that moment; sitting with 4 generations of my family, on vacation, in a small little old church in the Calumet Township in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, wondering what it all meant.

The preacher continued with his sermon outline, talking about everything being meaningless, and how the man who was the wisest and richest ever on earth, essentially considered his life and all he’d achieved to be virtually meaningless and with no long term value; a “chasing after the wind” concept. While I’ve read the book of Ecclesiastes many times and listened to many sermons on this book over the years, today’s message was poignant.

“Turning 60 was not a happy time. I didn’t think ‘I’m falling apart,’ but I did re-examine my priorities.” — Raquel Welch

The pastor continued, touching on Solomon’ words about how the pleasures we pursue in life are meaningless. Indeed, strong words coming from a man that experienced pleasures and fame that nobody will even come close to. He continued to say that even riches are meaningless. Then it was about there being a time for everything: A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to keep and a time to throw away; A time for war and a time for peace. The Pastor then steered the congregation towards one of Solomon’s main take-aways; living with wisdom and righteousness should be our goal. Hmmm…I had to think about that one to see if I qualified for this life metric that Solomon was saying. I like to think I’ve gotten wiser as I’ve lived my years. I rarely make quick decisions and have a larger repertoire of life experiences due to my upbringing in a foreign culture and working in numerous settings and being observant of life lessons along the way. So much so, that some people even seek me out to get my thoughts on their life situation. My mind then shifted to righteousness. I considered that, yes, I’d been a pretty good rule follower my whole life, and not gotten into too much trouble in my youth, but still had done some pretty unrighteous stuff.

The pastor was ready to bring his sermon home with his conclusion. Yes, I was ready for this sermon to end. This has been a downer message for sure. Please end already. The book of Ecclesiastes gives some good pieces of advice for practical living, as the Pastor shared: “The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of the ruler of fools. Wisdom is better than weapons of war, but one sinner destroys much good”.

Indeed, the proverbs of Solomon were very practical, simple, common sense things that he articulated into words. I was glad he ended the sermon on that more positive note. The service concluded and we filed outside to the cars. Then it was back to the house for lunch.

My phone vibrated, so I checked it. I smiled — it was a happy birthday text from a co-worker back in California. Then I saw an email from another co-worker. “Well, that’s two people who made the effort to remember my birthday” I thought to myself. Not the bombardment from family and friends I’d expected on this momentous birthday, but oh well. One side of me wished for lots of hoopla and well-wishes, and the other side of me was glad for the low profile this day was turning out to be.

After lunch, my wife gave me a small gift, and my 4 year old granddaughter gave me a hand-made card, which was nice. The family had decided to have a birthday cake a few days later to celebrate the multiple family birthdays that month. So that was it for the big day; a gloomy sermon to make me really ponder my life’s purpose, two electronic birthday wishes, a small gift, and a hand made card.

Being on vacation gives you a chance to get off the hamster wheel of home and work life and see things through a different lens. Having a big birthday does the same. But while the public birthday stuff was over, I still hadn’t reconciled this 60th birthday and what it meant to me. I had reflected on the past 60 years of living and tried to imagine my trajectory for the next 20 that I might still have on this earth without any clarity.

And getting a sermon on how life is meaningless didn’t help me put this all in perspective. Rather, it only made things more complicated in my head. I’d tried to live life right; I’d gone to college, worked hard, raised a family, paid my taxes, donated to charities, not gone to jail, and been a good citizen and volunteer in the community. But for what? What was the purpose and what did it matter?

A few days passed and I continued to ponder this new stage of life. Days turned into weeks as I’d still not settled it in my mind, nor accepted this new decade. I started to get alarmed several months later as people in my circle of friends began experiencing major health problems including cancer and even death. Wow — people just a few years older than I were dying or having their spouse pass away. While I’ve been healthy my entire life, maybe I will get cancer or other fatal disease. My childhood friend and college roommate got brain cancer in his late 50’s and died in 18 months. Another friend last November, in seemingly good health had a heart attack and died on the spot. Others in their 50’s had cancer and were going through extremely difficult and painful radiation and chemotherapy treatments. That could be me very soon! So should I reset my expectations for possibly not having 20 more years to live?

But I also started to consider my lot in life as I looked back over the previous six decades. Overall, I couldn’t discount the blessings I’d enjoyed in my life. Looking back, I needed to appreciate the great international experiences, travels, and cultures I’ve enjoyed. I needed to be thankful and grateful for my health and the relative stability of my life with my career, finances, home, children and grandchildren. I have fun hobbies I enjoy and have the physical ability to ride mountain bikes great distances and be out in nature. So in retrospect I realized that contrary to the downer message of meaninglessness from Solomon, I have been blessed beyond what many people have at this point in life.

More time went by and I began to accept being 60 and shared some of my questions of trying to come to terms with those that had passed that mile-marker of life already and gone through what I was going through. Wise words where shared with me:

· Worry less about rank in society and career and money. Chasing these things mean nothing. (Just ask Solomon)

· While you never know what disease may catch you, eat well, exercise hard and take time to play for a better chance of living with minimal health issues.

· Remember that you have experience and wisdom, something younger folks don’t have. Share it freely.

· At this season of life, invest your time, talent and treasure in people, family, church, and community.

· Leaving money and wealth isn’t your true legacy. Living righteously will be your legacy.

· Focus on doing Kingdom work, as these efforts will have eternal impact.

It all makes sense now and I’ve accepted and embraced it. After months of different pieces of this “age acceptance” issue stirring around and simmering in my brain, this pot of soup has melded and is pretty much ready to take off the stove. I now know after working through this life-stage dilemma, that I am wiser, have the right perspective, and plan to live a better 4th quarter of life. I’ve come to terms that I am indeed extremely blessed, have impacted people around me, and that my life so far did have meaning, and was not for naught.

“It’s a beautiful thing at 60 to know who you are.” — Richard Mourdock

I have a different outlook now than I did that day last summer when I was depressed, had a lot to think about and question, and listened to a sermon that made me feel that everything I’d done in the previous 60 years didn’t mean anything. After all, if Solomon in the Bible says so, it has to be right! Or, was it a well-timed sermon I needed to hear that day, juxtaposed with sitting alongside four generations of my family to help me grasp this new reality of what isn’t meaningless? All this to help me realize that in society’s eyes, I’d lived a successful life and in God’s eyes it did have meaning. I needed to continue living as I had, but now decided to make a few changes to ensure my last years here will hold even more meaning, impact, and purpose.

I’m now only a few months away from turning 61 and I think I’m good with where I’m at. I’ve changed my outlook on work and my time outside of work. I want to continue to invest my time, talent and treasure in making a difference in people. I need to focus on having a more positive impact on people and on what truly matters, to make it even more of a priority in the years ahead. I need to be bold with my efforts and faith to impact people for the better. I want to continue living my life with generosity and righteousness, at a higher level, as that is a legacy that will impact those in my circle, and the world, and extend beyond the day I leave this earthly life.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19–21

As I look forward to my 61st birthday in a few months, I’m praying that my new investments of time, talent and treasure in the years ahead will yield more fruit and positive impact in the world to what really matters, than the previous 6 decades. Though untimely, (or timely), as that sermon was last summer, I needed to hear it that day. Many months have passed, and I have come to terms with turning 60. And as I move forward, I can confidently look at the time clock ticking down and say: Game on!

Copyright © 2023 by Jeffrey W. Eales. All rights reserved. No portions may be reproduced or transmitted in any format without the prior written permission of the author.