This is part 4 of a 5 part series, titled: The Boarding School Dilemma – Balancing Mission and Family – The Kids’ Viewpoint. So far in this series, you learned about the challenges of handling the dilemma of serving in missions while sending your children to a boarding school for 8-10 weeks at a time. That was followed with an episode describing the Ubangi Academy (UBAC) and how the school and dormitory ran and functioned. Then the parents viewpoint was Episode 3, and their struggles in justifying their ministries while separating their families. This episode will focus on the kids. I interview 3 kids that entered the UBAC experience at differing ages and from different background circumstances. In addition, I cite numerous comments from the surveys I’d circulated to dorm attendees, to get a broad spectrum of experiences and perspectives. What is clear, is that especially for the young children sent away, many experienced emotional and physical trauma. Others fared well and thrived in the environment and have no negative feelings as adults as to the experience. Many positives from the dorm tenure led to life traits, character building and shaped people as adults. Others struggled into adulthood from some negative aspects of the dorm experience and their stories are shared as well. Special thanks to my interviewees: Peter Eales, Peter Transburg, and Tom Peters. Also, thanks to Lynda Garber, Brad Cairns, Jeff Aiken, and Christine Thorpe for their audio clips. Thanks too for the kids that returned the surveys, and the numerous voice-over contributors to quote the survey responses from many others.
**Rated in 2024 to the TOP 25 Best “Life Stories” Themed Podcasts Worldwide – https://blog.feedspot.com/life_stories_podcasts/
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Another great episode. Thanks, Jeff.
Jeff- in regards to girls or women in Africa, obviously I can’t speak from personal experience, but I can tell you what my mom said, which was the lack of education and the lack of knowledge of a trade language really put barriers between women from the states and the Congolese.
I have to relay what I thought was was in a hilarious story from my time at UBAC in regards to the difference in culture of men and women. As I recall, it was Beth Daniels, who had a suitor a Congolese suitor, and he came around regularly with ONE Scrawny chicken to offer a bride price for her. She may not have found it as funny because as I recall, they eventually had to watch out for this gentleman and his chicken on a regular basis. But it does go to show the danger at some women faced.
Since the next episode appears to be one of constructiveness and next steps, I would like to share two stories, showing the depths of pain and loneliness caused by separation from parents. This was not me, but an anonymous child was put on a truck going to school, this individual was in second grade. This individual was obviously in tears jumped out of the truck and ran back into the house. The mother was close to tears herself and looked at the dad pretty much and said was you take care of this. The dad proceeded to go in grab the child from the house, and you could hear this wailing and extremely loud crying. after five minutes, still crying. This child appeared in the doorway hanging onto the door for dear life while the father was pulling with all his might to get him free from the door. During this time we kids looked at each other in shock and despair, knowing we were all feeling the exact same thing. eventually, this child was brought kicking and screaming, and almost thrown into the back of the car. I was a very bad person, and was very upset myself and couldn’t comfort this child who cried all the way to karawa pretty much. Because I knew I would break down myself and that would be too embarrassing at my Jr high age. unfortunately this happened at least three times with this child, scarring me to the point where I could not understand my own parents doing this to me. This is a true story probably enacted in quietness in every child’s heart second through fourth grade.
One last story to emphasize the trauma of early childhood at the dorm. I know of two individuals, not in my era, so don’t try to guess, but within 10 years, who were so emotionally distraught in their second grade that they had to repeat second grade. Does this seem like sending your child away was helpful even from an academic standpoint? I’m glad to hear that some changes were made, I will say that there are still dorms such as Rift Valley Academy that take kids as young as seven. I think this is a huge mistake and if you are one of the mission boards that use Jeff’s podcast to train new missionaries, I beg you to reconsider sending children away at seven years old. Please, you heard two folks talk positively about their early childhood in this podcast, but I can tell you that out of the 50 that I have talked to about this, these were the only two positives that I heard in terms of sending away at age 7. Unless you think I have all negatives, remember, I did have a positive experience in high school, although lingering long-term issues from early childhood did still exist.
A difficult, but necessary episode. Life is not always easy and we can only ask God’s help in healing, going forward and “learning” from experiences, good and bad.
Dear sweet Danny, I don’t remember this suiter. Are you sure it was me? IF it was,it was because I new Lingala very well.
On a serious note, thank you, Congo Kid, for these podcasts.
Relationships ie people (parents, Ubac friends, Congolaise, American friends, etc ) matter in God’s economy and world.
How we love them in our obedience to God’s call on our lives will be hard and messy at times. But, God has been very kind to me and my memories of growing up. I want to do the hard work of growth and learning to love as He has called me to do.
I think my parents modeled that and were open to listening to their 6 kids.
They wanted so badly and felt God had a plan for all 6 of us in Congo. None of us are “in” Congo but all are in God’s work where He has placed us. They did express thanks to God for that in our lives. A relationship with Jesus.
I thank you again for your thoughtful and kind truth telling of those years at UBAC.
Beth
I’m pretty sure it was you or Ruthie, as I recall he was looking for mark hoping for ‘permission’ from an older male in the family.
I even wrote a short story about it soon after. Uncle Bob and the day cook/sentey eventually got thru to him that it wasn’t going to happen (after several weeks)
It could be that this story never trickled down to you all, as we ‘boys’ were told about it to watch for this gentlemen.
Danny…I know you’re Dan ..
LOL..you boys did a good job of protecting and I never knew.
Thank you.
If you find that short story, share it (with me.). I will be asking Sam, Tim and Mark about it. They were always watching out for us girls ( their sisters) in Impfondo and Dongou along with the church family even though we were known as “bana na mboka” or individually “mwana na mboka”. Not a french person or a mondele.
Unfortunately I wrote it for ‘publishing’ with Phil Peter’s along with a few other short stories of a dorm chicken falling down one of the outhouses
And being rescued by some of the high school boys, I was a reluctant but excitable bystander
I do remember a sentence from that also true story
Whoever discovered the chicken was on the outhouse and then came out screaming as I wrote
‘A distant clucking could be heard from down the John ‘
Those masterpieces are no longer available
)):
Beth
Mave says hi
We really miss you and Ron, we had lots of fun together before we left((:
Yes, we did.
Miss you, too.
bsa
Danno…
Thanks for sharing with your little brother Mark.
Pretty sure I’m the anonymous 2nd grader you shared about. Out of the 159 UBAC students Jeff accounted for until 1972…I probably DID have the strongest reaction to going to the dorm. I don’t intend to downplay the trauma because not many things could have “felt” worse nor have been as difficult for a bigger brother to observe but I’ve chosen to forgive with all my heart. I’ve let go of these things in my past. Indeed I’ve experienced much greater pain and betrayal through a divorce and several of my children not reconciling to me yet. Mostly I’ve observed and learned that our focus should ultimately be on responsibility..not victim-hood. I need to relearn this just about every day…or honestly…my life can lead to despair or simple distraction (what do I do to avoid staring truth straight in the face)
As I’ve had many chances to reflect and observe others outside my family I’ve truly seen how extraordinary our father was ( the same man who threw me into the truck).
So…in the end…because we’re faulty humans and have so many filters that justify our identity…some times we’re simply blinded by short-sightedness or whatever it may be.
I’m confident that my dad took responsibility of his actions before God and me and that’s really only the best we can do.
May God bless and comfort all those who were deeply affected by this experience and all those who can will draw nearer to Him. For those who can’t…may God be merciful to grant them the time on this earth to reconcile before they leave this earth.
Thanks be to God….